Drumknott Has Sex With EVERYONE
by p3rkFlF
Summary: A very said storoy. Drummknot needs to have se with everyone... bat can he overcome the pian of his past?
1. Chapter 1

One day Drumknott was filing. Then her heard Vetinari calling to him.

"Drumknott I need you to file something very special" said that Patrician and winked. Drumknott said

"I love filing" so Vetirinari said,

"I want to fie with you and I think you will love it"

And then they had sex.

"I didn't know that was called filing" said Drumknott as he lay in the partisan's strong arms.

"I really liked filing with you I think you are very sexy" said Vetninari, and he cried a little bit because of how sexy he was. Then he hugged Drumknott and kissed him gently on the forehead whir e his tender tears at Drumknott's sexiness had landed and smiled a smile of joy and tenderness and love.

Drumknott felt such love inside him for his employer.

"I love you Vetninari" he said Drumknott and he smiled a deep smile.

So Drumknott wanted to file with more people too.


	2. Some More Filing

Chapter Two: Some Much Filing

"Maoist do you like tom file" said Drumknott sexy.

"I don't know have never tries it." Drumknott looked fery surprised when he heard this, and Moist giggled.

"Well it is very fun especially if you like men" said Drumknott and he winked. He put his arm around Moist.

"I'm bi-curios" Moist giggled again. Drumknott took off all of Maoists' clothes except for his hat with the wings on it and they "filed." Except halfway through Adora Belle walked in on them! O:

"I'm very angry" she said.

"It's OK." Drumknott said "you can file with us too"

"I am feeling pretty Moist anyway if you catch me meaning" she said and winked.

"Oh, she thinks I am pretty" said Moist and he giggled some more like a fangirl. Then they had a threesome with lots of sex and giggling and it was very hot.


	3. Past Trauma :

Chapter 3: the Angst

((AN: For best resorts, please listen to "puhu äänellä jonka kuulen" by happoradio when u read this part! I know it's in finish but it is about someone you love being in pain and you don't know how to help! It's sad.))

Drumknott was crying.

"What is wrong my loyal and sexy secretary" said Vetinori

"I am so sad" said Drumknott "because my parents never loved me"

"That is tragic" said Venir and he felt his throat close in sympathy with his head clerk's pain and he gave Drumknott a hug.

"It gets wares. Because when I was little someone raped me. I have never been the same. But them I met you!"

"Oh no!" said Vetanari with soft gentle tears on hid face, "that is very said. But it makes my heart feel so sunny to know I could he alp you. And I know what will cheer you up."

And then Drumknott and Vetineri had sex.


	4. Clerk Birian: a story aout sexualty

Chapter 4: Being Gay

One day Clerk Brian was very sad.

"It's wrong to be gay," he said crying.

"No it's not," said Drumknott, "love is always beautiful, no matter who finds it's in each other."

Brian's tears of angst turned to joy at the beauty of love.

"I live you, Drumknott," he said crieng.

"I love… EVERYONE" said Drumknott, and all the Dark Clerks and the Partition (Votinari, remember?) came ad hugged Clerk Brian and had a party and had sex and filed (which is the same thing).


	5. REVELATION xover coming soon i promise

Chapter 5: Samual Vimes

Drumknott and Vetinarri and Samual Vimes were having a threesome. Samual Vimes was being very sexy on Drumknott and it was super-hot! Then the said something to Drumknott in his ears.

"Drumknott," said Samual Vimes, "I am the person who raped you when you were a child." Drumknott started crying angsty tears and Venitari comforted him.

"Go away Samual Vimes," said Vetinari, "yo have made Drumknott said and I LOVE HIM!" And he hugged Drumknott and hugged him and kissed him to make him felt better but also he cried softly because Drumknott was in suck pain.

"My lord I want to file with you. Y you are the only none who can heal the pain of my past." Said Drumknott.

So Ventinari and Drumknott had sex.


	6. The xover bit now

Chapter 6: Science

Drumknott was filing with the clerks. He heard someone calling him.

"Drumknott I need to speak to you privately" said the woman. She was short and with caramel-cultured hair and wearing glasses ((AN: This is my friend)).

"My name is Camilliania Baker-Desmoulins. I have invented a portal that lets you travel between worlds. You may use it to achieve you goal of filing with everyone." Said the women.

"Oh, a crossover fic." Said Drumknott. "OK. O will use the portal to have sex with EVERYONE! But first I must file with YOU!"

"OK" said Camilliania and she and Drumknott made tender love together, only it wan;t tender because Camilliania was too evil for that.

Soon afterwards Drumknott wend thorough the portal.

"Ha! Ha! Ha!" laught Camilliania and therew back her head, "I'm so glad his dell for my evil plan! When everyone has premarital sex, they will lose they're ethics and become atheists! And then there will be science as the church and Richard Dawkings as the new God!" her eyes glowed reddish and She laughed evilly.


	7. poor venitari

Chapter 7: Where is Drummers?

"Where is Drumknott" said Vetrino "I think he run away because Samual Vimes raped him" he said and tears falled from his eyes and on the desk.

"What is wrong said Clef Brian?"

"Oh Clerk Brian" said CVetinatri, who was embarrassed to be seen in suck a tender humen and vulnerable moment, "Drumknott went a way and I don't know where he is."

"Oh no!" Said Brian," "Drumknott helped me realized that being gay is OK. You have to help you find him!"

"We need to kill Samual Vimes so he can can come back safe" Vetniri said. He thought of how gently Drumknott weeped after the memories of Samual Vimes raping him flowed back in to his heart and felt a pang of grief for the Clerk he loved.

All the dark Clerks came together and remembered the light and beauty that Drumknott brought in to their lives.

"We have to find him" said Clerk Fred, and he cried because of how gently Drumknott and made love to him odder the filing campiness.

"I already miss him" said Clerk Tredecim ((AN: this is my friend! The same one as the science lady but she wanted to be in the story twice and I'm writing it for her so…)). "The tender way he touched me filled my hearth with warmth."

"You all are assigned to find Clerk Drumknott" said the Patrician composing hum self. "I want you to find out where he is. We need to save him because… because… BECAUSE I LOVE HIM" he said and creed again.

And all the Clerks gathered around lord Vetinari and gave him a hug. And then they all went to find Drumknott and save him.


	8. more xover GUESS WHAT FADNOM!

Chapter 8: Hard-or-Destroy-Reptile

All the doctors were talking to themselves.

"How can we kill it?" said Doctor Jenkins. He was holding a pistol but this=re was no bullets in it because safety first.

"I think we don't need to kill it" said Dr. Danton, "we jousts need to make it not kill people." Dr. Danton had a key-ring on his belt-loop.

Dr. Perez said, "That is what we have now and it is very sub-optimal. We need to make it not want to kill people and the best's whey to do that is if it is dead." rd. Perez had a 'tache.*

"Know how to make something only want to have sex with me" said DrumknoA Voice.

"Who said that" said one of the Doctors.

"It's me" said Drumknott "Once I file with someone they're heart only wants tom have rainbows and sunshine and things inside. There will be no more room for hate because it will be brimming with love."

Drab Perez brushed away a tear at this beautiful thought. "We will meet to get permission from the 05's" she said "but then we can try this."

So Drumknott waited form permission and got ready to use his special powers.

*Even though she was a birl.


	9. Samual Vimes Part 2 a Shattered Heart

Chapter 9: Samual Vimes part 2

Meanwhile Samual Vimes was lathing evilly.

"I graped Drumknott and it made him run away," said Samual Vimes and he laughed. He said this wall he was raping Carrot.  
>"Stop rapening me" sobbed Carrot, but Samual Vimes didn't really want to at the moment.<p>

Samual Vimes is very evil. But I want to tell you Why Samual Vimes was evil. When he was a little boy, his parents didn't pay any attention to him.

"Look, daddy." He said. "I did something impressing/"

"Not now Samual Vimes. I am reading _Black Jack_."

"Mommy, look. I made something cool."

"Not now, Samual Vimes. I am reading _Franken Fran._"

Later, Samual Vimes' parents broke up because they couldn't decide which comic was better* (and they were both cheating on each other with Drumknott). Samual Vimes' heart was so scarred and that he turned evil and started reaping people. He no longer fell happiness or joy and no more tears fell from his dark, depressing eyes. But it did not have to be this way. When he had sex with Drumknott, he felt a strange feeling inside of his heart that he couldn't describe. It was so scary that he had to confess to Drumknott about the rape so that Drumknott would run away and Samual Vimes' heart wouldn't burst from al the warm and fuzzy feeling he felt insides. Now all he could think was punishing Drumknott for making him feel this way.

"I will rape Drumknott again at the next opportunity" he said.

"But he is very sexy and we had sex a lot of times" said carrot. "Will you at least rape him instead of me?"

"Shut up carrot" said Samual Vimes and he kept reaping Carrot because it was fun.

*_Black Jack_ is better


	10. yout htink i forhot the xover? HAHAHA

Chapter 10: Consequences

"Hughes" said SCP-682 "What did I do last night"

And then it saw Drumknott lying on the bed next to it.

"Get out of my bed, you disgusting…" but then it saw Drumknott's face and it remembered the sweet, tender love they had made the night before. Suddenly SCP-682 couldn't hate; its heart was too full of joy and happiness and warmth.

Then Drumknott woke up.

"You have clanged me" said the lizard. "I know longer hate all life. Instead, I love everything." Tears of happiness fell form his lizard eyes.

"Yes," said Dr. Perez, who had also had sex with Drumknott and SCP-682 and had very firm thighs and butt despite her moustache "and you are very good in bed"

"Well-endowed" said Dr. Danton, who also was there.

"And you have such a lithely tongues" said Dr. Jenkins, who was lying under the bed, but was naked, so presmubabbalyy he had sex with Drumknott ad well.

Drumknott smiled back at his reptilian lover, his little soul bursting with pride. SCP-682 was his biggest conquest in the name of love yet! But the priding wasn't what motivated him to continue. It was his desire to fill everyone's heart with rainbows, sunshine, and lullabies, motivation by an intense love for all mankind. And now he'd shared dies love with the most hate-filled creature on the planet! There was not glue g back!


	11. Camilainia Prat TWO: Roespierre

Chapter 11: Camilliania

Today Camilliania plan was going perfectly. There was nothing to worry about form Drumknott or Samual Vimes or even Vetinoor. But the only problem war that she had underestimated Drumknott's powers.

After Drumknott had sex with her, she didn't want to make atheism the God of the world or to make people amoral. She wanted toss eye beautify things like Jesus and freindship and the sunlight filtering thought the leaves of the treels and children eating sundries in the park. /. Science was disgusting to her now, and so was Richard Dawkings.

"I donor know what to do" she cried "I ruined my own plans by haven sex with a clerk!" She creed many bitter tears like a baby or like Vertinari when he gats the way he does sometimes.

"I need to have sex wet someone WEVOL she said!" and then it occurred to her… ROBESPITERRE.

C


	12. Missig Drumknott!

Chapter 12: Mashing you

Without Drumknott Vetinari felt lost and alone in his office. And he cried many tears on his guant and pale face.

"Drumknott fillered the whole that was in my heart" he sobbed.

"We were two wounded souls, healing each other thorough the power of love."

The Drank Clerks did their bestow find Drumknott, but he wise nowhere in Ank-Moprok.

"I'm sorry my lord" they swayed and Vetinari cried more.

"I loved him" he cried and he became pale and grey and thin and didn't eat for two days.


	13. Chapter 14 i skupped 13 cuz is bad luck

E

Chapter 14 Corrupt the Incorruptible

Drumknott marked the portal go in to where Camilliania ways. He nodded to ask her some questions about its science.

When hi found Camilliania se was coming on to Robespierre.

"I am asexual" Robespierre said.

"But evil is transmitted sexually and I need some of yours" she said. "Plus your hot."

"Excuse me but I needed o ask some questions about the portal science. I need to go back to Ank-Morpok bacons Vetnorori is probably worried like a dog." Sadie Drumknott disgruntledly.

Then Camilliania and the best, idea, ever.

"I will tell you if you have sex win Robespierre" she said"

"OK" said Drumknott and he was so sexy that even Robespierre who was ace asexual wanted him.\

They had sex and Robespierre realties how beautiful and tenders sex was and he stopped being asexual right there and then.

"I can't believe I deny realize how beautiful it is to love someone" he said and he cried many vulpine tears.

So then something terrible happened to Drumknott… HE COSUGHT THE EVIL!

"Here's how you go back to Ank-Mororporg" said Camilliania after they were done and she watched and masticated to it because she was a dirty girt.

"Thank you" said Evil!Drumknott "The first thing I do will be….. get revenge!" :O


	14. Chapter 15 Samual Vimes 3 rape

Chapter 15: Samual Vimes part 3

Samual Vimes was raping the Dark Clerks.

"If Drumknott were here he would stank up for us" said Clerk Fred but Samual Vimes cent rapeing them anyway. Then suddenly all the Clerk's faces lute up with HOP! They saw Drumknott come out of the portal and many of them starter to tear up become, he was so beautiful.

"You will save us from the rape, won't you clerk Drumknott" said Clerk Brian. But Drumknott waited until, Samual Vimes was dine.

"Finally you admit that I am you're superiors."

"No, Samual Vimes," said Clerk Drumknott. "It is your turn to be the victim, of grape." And then Drumknott raped Samual Vimes.


	15. Lats Chapter

Chapter 16: The Descending Action

Drumknott cried.

"I am horrible," he said and he creed more. His heart was so full of angst over don something bad when he had the evil inside him.

"WHAT" said Camilliania? "THIS ISN'T RIGHT. HE WAS EVIL."

"'evil' is such a nasty word" said Robe spire and, he smiled. "I want to think of goof things like puppies and candy. None of this so-called 'livery' and 'virtue.' "\

"NOOO!" Camilliania creamed. "That Drumknott was just too good-hearted to evil-ize! And at the same time… " Camilliania felt the magic and, warmth of it filing her heart.

Visionary gave Drumknott a gug and he d=cried to.

"I mussed you sum much Drumknott, it was all for the best." And Vetinari and the Dalek Clerks all hugged Vetinari and Drumknott and each other.

Samual Vimes felt a smiling on his face and he sat up.

"Thank you for raping me, Drumknott. Yom put so many warm and fuzzes in my heard. My heart is filled with sunshine and happiness forever."

And then Vatanoory and Drumknott and the Dark Clerks and Moist (who was giggling) and Adora and Samual Vimes and Camilliania and Robespierre and everyone ogles had a big orgy full of beauty and, sunshine and happiness and they all loved each other and hugged and went out, for ices cream and Drumknott went in the portals and had sex with the whole multiverse (INCLUDING VIMES' 'RENTS* o_O) and they all lived happily even after . THE END

*Useing time travel obvs!


End file.
